I found it very hard to get on with drawing # 12. I was conflicted about what to draw. My mind kept going to the back yard of an old log home in the neighborhood; its empty space seemed full of some kind of intriguing energy. On the other hand, the crab apple tree in our back yard was in full, glorious bloom.Thousands of perfect blossoms of five petals each were at their peak of perfection.

One day, with the tension of indecision mounting within me,  I sat down in my chair in the craft room to think about what to do. Then I noticed the white five-petaled silk flower I had picked up when I visited my grandmother’s grave years ago; it had seemed at the time to be a small token from her. That was just the sign I needed. I finally went to our garage, took the step ladder from the garage wall, placed it on the deck, climbed to its top “seat,” and drew the crab apple blossom cluster closest to my face.

It was a challenging drawing to do, especially as I began to address the problem of drawing the tree to which the blossoms in front of my nose were attached. I had no idea how the drawing would play out. I caught myself grinding my teeth on and off, between balancing myself on my perch and bringing some of the particulars of my chosen vantage point out of the tip of the pen.

Before I began I had the thought that I should become one with whatever I was drawing. I do see that what resulted is a reflection of this attempt. The picture is as much about me and my struggles as it is about the tree itself. I am, in the end, pleased with what was a difficult assignment. I feel it is an honest drawing and reflects the process of getting to know this particular tree while putting marks on the paper that come from my own perception rather than some learned technique. I guess that’s the advantage of not being schooled (or disadvantage, depending on one’s outlook).

What about entering the void? I guess what I learned is that to enter the void I need to take on the challenge of really trying to see what is in front of me and allowing the pen to do as honest a job as possible.

Reflecting on the satisfaction I feel, I recall how before I began this drawing series I took note of my predilection to be intrigued by the relationship of an element in the foreground of a painting or photo to the background “landscape” of which it is a part. The viewing process leads me into a kind of narrative journey of attention where I at first notice the foreground object or person and then am delighted that more details are in the background, details which lend further information regarding what at first catches the eye. These background details also lead me to ask more questions about the complex web of relationship between foreground and background. The viewing becomes a kind of unfolding story from which the element of mystery is never erased. Therefore, I can return again and again to the same piece of work without ever getting bored.

There is something precious about knowing how briefly these glorious blossoms grace the tree. The time of their reign  is short, making their delicate, white profusion even more breathtaking.